The Worst Kind of Person
Veronica Noir is my deeply disturbed, Tarot reading twin. She is here to spice up your life with her bad advice…
You know what disturbs me more than anything?
More than fascism, more than ice cream cakes and even more than texting?
People who get up early…on purpose.
Do you ever notice how these people are always more productive, happy and successful than you?
They are also more annoying and unlikeable.
In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met an early riser I didn’t clash with. They always seem to be hardworking, dependable and polite – the worst type of person!
So if you want to avoid turning into one of these assholes, start brushing up on your sleeping in skills!
The Art of the Sleep In (in 4 easy steps!)
- Stay up ridiculously late, doing something frivolous like watching make-up tutorials on YouTube or fapping to pics of hot guys with kittens.
- Consume vast quantities of drugs and alcohol. Martinis and weed work nicely for me. But if you’re “in recovery” or just not into the drugs and booze scene, make yourself a big mug of Sleepytime tea and hit that shit hard!
- Get your snack on. Cheese, chips, cookies, you name it. Eating late is hard on your liver because it overloads it with glucose right when it’s trying to rest. This creates a sluggish, lazy effect on your body which helps you sleep in later. You’re welcome!
- Don’t set an alarm. Alarms are for try-hards with careers and responsibilities. You’re cooler than that, right? RIGHT?